Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
