Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
