My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
