Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
