Please, let me fuck your mom
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
