We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Welp...herpes.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
