How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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