Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
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