did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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