she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
