chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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