I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
