My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize