dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
