1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
just tell him i said nine months
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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