I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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