i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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