Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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