so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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