broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
