You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I said "one day" and that day is not today
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
