1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
