the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
