so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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