O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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