But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
