I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
