What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
