how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
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