So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
