FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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