you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
