People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
