So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
