she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
