I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Its about making memories worth repressing
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
