Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
