We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
