bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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