it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Randomize
