Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
