yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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