i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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