so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
