the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
The ass gains better be worth it
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