Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
