Kiss
Puke
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
