I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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