we're chasing vodka with high fives
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
