You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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