Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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