Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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