I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
