If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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