I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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