did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
