Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
