Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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