you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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