I cannot find my penis.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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