i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize