Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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