i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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