I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
