Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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