Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
