I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Man, jail baloney is awful.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
