I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
