i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
