on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
