remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
