He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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