You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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