just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
