My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
