they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
