Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
