so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
