wrigley field is MILF paradise
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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