You made me cry and you don't even care
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
