I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
