I CAN MOONWALK!
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Randomize
