he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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