it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Randomize
