Whod you bang
If i come over, it means nothing
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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