I wanna bring you to show and tell
More tranny stories later!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
